Mothers, Daughters, and the Mirror Between Them
Words by Cristina Afonso, Art by Grace Bobinski
When I first watched Greta Gerwig's Lady Bird (2017,) I was 19. It was my freshman year of college, and the film's narrative quickly became a perfect outlet for me to explore the nostalgia of my high school years, which I had just left behind. Growing up a theater kid in a Catholic school, believing my mother didn't understand me and feeling like my dreams were too big for my potential, I saw myself on the screen. The way Gerwig captures the coming-of-age conflicts of stubborn independence, exploring your identity, and yearning for something greater in life, feel as intimate as it is universal.
All that Christine "Lady Bird” McPherson wants is to leave Sacramento. During a heated argument in the film's opening sequence, her mother, Marion, pleads with her to conform to a quiet life at a local community college, rather than pursue her dreams of escaping to New York where, for Christine, the culture truly exists. At 19, I wouldn't have thought twice about siding with Lady Bird. She illustrated a yearning that was all too familiar to me–a desire to be seen, not just by the world she was so desperately trying to escape to, but by her mother.
As I got older, the film's narrative shifted every time I revisited it. What I couldn't fully grasp at 19 was that the movie was about Marion as much as it was about Lady Bird, and that love and resentment can coexist in the space between mothers and daughters. As a teenager, I often caught myself dismissing the small city I was raised in, seeking for somewhere more thrilling, and my mother, whom I watched with childlike admiration. Every criticism hides a fear, and every act of rebellion masks a desire for approval.
The relationship between a daughter and her mother is far from being simple–this dynamic has millions of expressions throughout cultures and history. As young girls, mothers teach us about the world–not only through their words but through their actions. For me, I noticed I learned the most through the details, such as the patience with my curls, her homemade recipes for tummy aches, or the bits of advice for walking home alone. Like many daughters, I absorbed unspoken lessons on beauty, self-image, and the quiet labor of care.
This recognition of the complicated nature of mother-daughter relationships hit me as I found myself more and more fascinated by media that portrayed these dynamics. I noticed them not only in works that mirrored my own experiences, such as Lady Bird, but ones that allowed me to understand how they translate across time, culture, or race. As I look back on Women's History Month, I want to take a moment to highlight pieces of media that explore the intricacies of these relationships and can help us step back from moments of tenderness, envy, and unspoken understanding, and see mothers not just as a parental figure but as women navigating their own stories.
1. Real Women Have Curves - Josefina López
Perhaps what many see as the precursor to Lady Bird, the narrative of López's Real Women Have Curves was initially a play that got its screen adaptation in 2002. The film tells the story of Ana Garcia, who struggles with cultural expectations and self-image, carrying with her a dream of moving to New York for university. Her mother, Carmen, equates beauty with control — a smaller body, a proper demeanor, a more conventional form of femininity. For Carmen, these ideals are more than an aesthetic; she views them as a survival tactic, which has been inherited from a society that diminishes women who don't fit a certain standard. Throughout the story, we watch Ana's refusal to shrink, figuratively and literally, as she stands up to her mother's ideals in an act of defiance and self-love. This dynamic of beauty as both a burden and a bond takes shape in Real Women Have Curves, exposing how beauty standards are often passed down as a form of protection, even if it harms the daughter.
2. “Mom & Me & Mom” - Maya Angelou
The last book of Angelou's seven-part autobiography series was published in 2013 and offers readers a closer look at her developing relationship with her mother, Vivian Baxter. After being abandoned in childhood, Angelou was sent to live with her grandmother and grew up with feelings of resentment and rejection. When she reunites with Vivian as a teenager, their relationship is strained and difficult to navigate. However, through time, Angelou begins to see her mother's unwavering strength and sense of self as both a source of tension and inspiration, and eventually their relationship shifts into one based on profound admiration and understanding. The memoir provides a lens into the possibility of reconciliation and growth within mother-daughter relationships.
Image Sourced by Grace Bobinski
3. Petite Maman - Céline Sciamma
If you've ever wondered what it would be like to meet your mom before she dreamed of having a child, Petite Maman (2021) is a movie to add to your list. Here, young Nelly travels to her mother's childhood home to pack things up after her grandmother's death. At one point, while she's outside playing in the same woods her mom once did as a child, she stumbles upon another little girl named Marion. Not long after, it is revealed that this little girl is Nelly's mother at seven years old. Sciamma's delicate storytelling has a way of relating a beautiful and profound reflection on motherhood. We watch Nelly communicating with Marion in an attempt to understand the adult version of her. The companionship between the two is what truly stuck with me and reflects on the meeting of girlhood and motherhood.
4. “The Woman Warrior” - Maxine Hong Kingston
In this novel, author Maxine Hong Kingston reflects on her family history and heritage as a Chinese American. Her mother, Brave Orchid, is presented as both intelligent and cruel; her stories about Chinese life and tradition haunt Kingston and shape her understanding of womanhood. Their relationship clashes when Brave's expectations, especially regarding obedience and culture, intervene with her daughter's yearning to explore her identity. While depicting themes of generational trauma and cultural displacement, “The Woman Warrior” captures the intricate and deeply influential bond between mother and daughter.
5. Turning Red - Domee Shi
I remember leaving the theater after seeing Turning Red (2022) and wishing I could've watched it ten years ago. At 13, Mei Lee is navigating the typical challenges of adolescence–a mix of hormones, friendships and crushes. This changes once her hormones start kicking in, and this mix of emotions takes a physical form as she turns into a giant red panda at moments of strong emotions. Her over-protective mother, Ming, soon relies on her that this comes from a generational spell that is passed down to all of the women in her family. As a Chinese-Canadian family, Mei and Ming's relationship is layered with the pressures of tradition and familiar expectations. While Ming expects her daughter to fit into the same mold that was imposed on her as a child, she fails to see Mei's own need for autonomy. Turning Red celebrates the messy, beautiful process of growing up and the transformative power of understanding in mother-daughter relationships.
Image Sourced by Grace Bobinski