midnight dive on Post-Grad Blues and the Messy Middle of Becoming
Interviewed by Alexandria Mitchell-Pressman
midnight dive is a 22-year-old rising dream-pop artist and law student based in Los Angeles. Her self—recorded and self-produced single, “the graduate,” captures the hauntig loneliness of young adulthood, weaving together dreany, soft guitar with raw, introspective lyrics.
Femmage Zine: Listening to “the graduate” felt like walking through the woods just after it rained. I think the best way I can describe the way you made me feel is like suspended in a moment between fresh beginnings and a quiet, cold ache inside. The song is both beautiful and haunting. I’m so glad you chose to put your thoughts, emotions, and experiences into this track. I think so many people, especially young adults navigating these strange times, will see themselves in your music. You wrote this while transitioning from college to law school, which is a huge deal (and congratulations by the way!) How did songwriting help you make sense of that in-between space?
midnight dive: Thank you! Writing “the graduate” was very cathartic in a way, since I really felt like a rug was being pulled from under me and I didn’t know how to regain my footing. Everything changed—from my friendships, to my classmates, to my coursework—and this song helped me channel that fear of change, and grapple with it in a meaningful way. Being able to put my feelings into words, especially feelings as intense as the loneliness, longing, and dejection I felt while writing, allows me to embrace those emotions and learn how to cope.
Femmage Zine: I graduated last year and there’s a kind of grieving that happens afterwards. The thing that I mourned the most after graduation was the fantasy I had about where I should be in life. I’m still struggling to find a full time job in my career field and I feel so behind. I had to come to terms with life not looking like I planned and at times it still hurts. Is there anything that you were mourning most while writing “the graduate?”
midnight dive: I definitely went through a very similar grieving process, but mine was more focused on the social aspects of college that I had to leave behind. I knew I wasn’t going to have as much time to see my friends anymore because of the rigor of law school, and I was essentially mourning those friendships that inevitably dwindled over the course of my first year. I find it interesting that even though I’m at the same school with the same people, all of my friendship dynamics changed as if we were separated by thousands of miles.
Femmage Zine: There’s a lyric where you sing, “talk about how it feels to hit the ground.” Do you think you landed where you were hoping to be? And if not, what does that “ground” look like for you now and how are you learning to stand on it?
midnight dive: I think that I’m almost to where I want to be, but I’m still getting there. I’d always dreamed about going to law school and being an entertainment attorney, and as far as that goes, I feel like I’m on the right track. But now I have this newer dream of being a songwriter or even being a bigger artist myself, and I’m still trying to figure out how I can fit that into my career goals. So while the “ground” for me feels solid right now—I only have two more years until I’m an attorney, I got an internship at a record label, and I’ve been releasing my own music—knowing exactly how to take my next steps is that part that breeds some uncertainty.
Femmage Zine: You sing about losing friends after college, and I think it's such a heartbreaking part of growing up. To only have a moment in time with people that at one point you couldn’t imagine living without. How have you processed or healed from that kind of loss? And what advice would you give to others?
midnight dive: I have to say, I’m still working through it almost a year later. I think that songwriting was a huge part of my healing process. Just by acknowledging the heartbreak and letting out those emotions, I feel like I took a big, therapeutic step towards feeling whole again. But even that step took a very long time. I released “the graduate” about 6 months after I started writing it, which just shows that this process, both of songwriting itself but more so of finding a way to cope with major life changes like the one I experienced. The advice that I would give would be to embrace change, but to understand that losing friends is just part of our life’s journey. Even though in the moment it is painful and we consequently feel empty, something or someone else will come along to fill that space.
Femmage Zine: Growing up watching shows like “Girlfriends” and “Living Single” made me so excited for adult life because it looked so vibrant and full of sisterhood. Did you ever imagine adulthood would look different than it does now?
midnight dive: I honestly thought that this phase of adulthood would be more freeing, but because I’m still in school I’ve been rather restricted. I have yet to travel or even take time off because I blasted through undergrad by doing summer school every summer. And I certainly don’t regret it because that just means I get to graduate law school at a younger age, so hopefully I’ll get to have more opportunities to experience that freedom in the future.
Femmage Zine: What’s the loneliest part of your twenties so far and what’s been unexpectedly beautiful?
midnight dive: The loneliest part has definitely been graduating college and watching all of my friends do the same. Being an undergraduate at USC was the most lively and fun experience that I’ve ever had, so to see that come to a close was really hard to cope with. But, at the same time, moving to the next chapter of my life in law school was also so fulfilling and beautiful. I’ve been able to see myself change and grow into a more inquisitive and analytical person, and also see my friends accomplish their goals.
Femmage Zine: You’re not only an artist but also a 1L law student. How do you navigate between these two very different spaces? I feel like people expect you to choose one thing: the arts or the sciences. I love that you are building your own path.
midnight dive: Thank you! Navigating these two rather competing paths has been difficult. During the school year, it's been hard to find time to write and record my music, and I’ve invested so much time and effort into my education that sometimes it feels like I shouldn’t even be pursuing music like I am. But at the same time, I feel like it's been working for me because I’m so deeply passionate about both law and music, and I’m determined to hold onto my creative ambitions. I actually want to be a music attorney, which really solidifies this combination of my two passions.
Femmage Zine: What’s something you want your younger self to know now that you’re actually living it?
midnight dive: I’d definitely want my younger self to know that if you have a passion for something, then pursue it! A lot of times people tell us to go a more traditional route or do things by the book, but if you don’t like what you do and it isn’t fulfilling, then there’s really no point in it.